We will let René Artois the owner of the local Cafe in Nouvion in wartime France explains his predicament:

Those of you who have been paying attention will know that this is my café. It is as you see now open. How peaceful it all looks. But shortly it will be full of Germans who I have to be nice to and my wife who I have to be nice to, and my serving girls Mimi and Yvette who I enjoy being nice to when my wife isn’t about. Upstairs is my wife’s mother who nobody enjoys being nice to.

A fairly normal café in wartime France you might say. Do not be deceived. In my cellar I am hiding two British airmen. If the Germans find them I will be shot. In my kitchen is hanging a decaying knockwurst sausage which contains the priceless portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies by that master knocker painter Van Klomp. I am hiding it for the Germans.

If the Resistance finds out I will shot. If my wife finds out that I am having an affair with Mimi I will be shot. If Mimi finds out that I am having an affair with Yvette she will shoot me, as will Yvette if she finds out about Mimi. My life expectancy is about the same as an over-ripe Camembert.